This weeks 'love it' dilemma answered by our regular Relationship Experts; OnePlusOne (an online org providing great resources for relationships), the Ladies, and the lads.
Astrid has a very good friend that is dating an alcoholic. It is heart-breaking for her and her husband to watch this good friend date someone who doesn’t seem to be in a position to offer a solid, straight partnership. Her friend keeps making excuses for his behaviour but it often turns unpleasant when they are out in public in a group (he can be an aggressive drunk). They now hesitate to invite their friend out if her partner is coming but they want to be their for her no matter what. How does Astrid talk with her friend? What do they say to someone in love with an alcoholic?
Our Experts at OnePlusOne says:
It’s always difficult when you think a friend or family member is dating someone who isn’t right for them, and that is naturally amplified when drink or drugs are involved. You can be honest with your friend and tell her your concerns, but she is an adult and must make her own choices (or mistakes). Talk to her and tell her how you feel – try to be calm and non-accusatory and reassure her that you are there to talk whenever she needs you. She might open up about her own worries, or she might tell you to mind your own business, the important thing is that she knows you are there for her. Having said that, it is important that you do not put yourself in any situations that make you feel uncomfortable and it is not your responsibility to socialize with her partner if you really don’t want to. If you choose to invite her and not him, it is up to her what she does, but if you can avoid getting angry with her and accepting her decisions, she will know you’re there if/when she needs you.
The Ladies Say:
The Ladies say they think you should talk to her openly and honestly and say that you feel uncomfortable when he turns aggresive. Its never fun for anyone being out with an aggressive drunk. But make sure she knows you are there for her and maybe suggest some girly nights out where partners aren't invited so she doesn't feel like she has to make a choice at times.
The Lads Say:
The lads are pretty blunt again this week. They say don't invite her out if she has a boyfriend that is aggressive. And suggest the girlfriend may benefit from getting counselling herself? Although it she is making excuses for him then she too is in potential denial about the situation...
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